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Pepperdine | Caruso School of Law

Relational Intelligence

  1. Smile
    • Having a pleasant demeanor will attract people toward you.
    • A cynical and grumpy demeanor will repel people.
  2. Handshake
    • People pay attention to handshakes.
    • Offer your hand when meeting everyone men or women.
    • Have a firm handshake that indicates that you are interested in knowing that person.
    • Do not have a hand-squeeze competition. An over-firm handshake can hurt the other person.
  3. Ask Questions
    • The most important skill in meeting people is the ability to ask meaningful and appropriate questions.
    • This requires preparation and thoughtfulness.
    • The goal of asking questions is to demonstrate a genuine desire to get to know that person.
    • The second goal is to find common ground.
    • Common ground is the easiest way to build a lasting relationship.
      • "Where are you from?"
      • "What college did you attend?"
      • "What do you do in your free time?"
    • Developing 10 POCKET QUESTIONS that you are comfortable with can make it easier to meet new people and make new and lasting friendships.
  4. Listen
    • The first question is easy. Learning to listen and ask the follow up questions are equally important.
    • Listening and paying attention to others' preferences demonstrates your genuine desire to know them.
    • Listening also demonstrates authenticity and engagement in the conversation.
    • Most people are drawn to people who are genuinely interested in who they are as a person.
  5. Build trust
    • Lasting healthy relationships are built on trust.
    • Building trust is easy.
    • To build trust, make a promise and keep it.
    • To grow trust, make sure you don't promise things that you can't deliver.
    • To maintain trust, your word must always be good and true.
  6. Take responsibility
    • People like to be friends with people who are credible and reliable.
    • Take responsibility for your mistakes, shortcomings, and failures.
    • Take responsibility for your choices.
    • Share credit for successes with everyone you can.
    • Say "thank you" a lot. Grateful people make good friends.